Beyond the Accusation: The Power of "What" Over "Why" in Leadership

As leaders, we're wired to understand the reasons behind things. When a new idea is proposed, a decision is made, or a process takes an unexpected turn, our immediate mental trigger is often, "Why?"

• "Why are we doing this project?"

• "Why did you handle it that way?"

• "Why is this taking so long?"

It seems like a logical question, right? We want to understand the 'why' to make informed decisions, provide support, or offer alternatives. But here's a crucial insight: while our goal is often to understand the 'why,' asking "Why?" directly can be one of the least effective ways to get there. In fact, it can actively shut down the very open communication you need.

The Unintended Punch of "Why?"

Think about how it feels to be asked "Why?"

Often, it lands with an unintended negative tone. It can sound:

• Accusatory: As if the person needs to justify themselves or is being challenged.

• Aggressive: Putting the other person on the spot or signaling disapproval.

• Judgmental: Implying that their reasoning or actions are questionable.

• Like Pushback: Suggesting that you're skeptical or looking for reasons not to do something.

When someone feels they're being asked to justify themselves, they often become defensive. The conversation shifts from collaborative exploration to a defensive explanation. You get justifications ("Because we always do it this way," "Because so-and-so told me to") rather than the deeper context, goals, and underlying motivations you actually needed. You want data, but you get defenses.

The Open Door of "What?"

Now, consider the impact of shifting your language to "What?"-based questions.

• "What are your goals for this project?"

• "What was your approach here? What factors did you consider?"

• "What are the main blockers causing delays?"

• "What problem are we trying to solve with this?"

• "What outcomes are you hoping to achieve?"

Notice the difference in tone? "What" questions feel:

• Inquisitive: Like you're genuinely curious and want to learn more.

• Open: Inviting the other person to share information freely.

• Supportive: Signalling that you want to understand the situation to potentially help.

• Collaborative: Positioning you as a partner in exploring the situation.

"What" questions lower defenses and open the door for a richer, more detailed response.

They invite the other person to share context, process, goals, and constraints without feeling the need to immediately justify their existence or decisions.

Using "What" to Uncover the Real "Why"

The beauty of asking "What" questions is that, while you're not directly asking "Why?", you are gathering all the pieces of the puzzle that reveal the true 'why.'

By asking:

• "What problem are we solving?"

• "What are the desired outcomes?"

• "What does success look like?"

• "What information led you to this approach?"

• "What resources or support do you need?"

You collect the essential data points about motivation, goals, context, and constraints. These data points, collectively, paint a clear picture of the underlying reasons and intentions – the real 'why' behind the action or proposal.

Leveraging the Data for Better Decisions (Your Informed "Why")

Once you have this comprehensive data gathered through open-ended "What" questions, you are in a far stronger position to lead effectively.

• Informed Prioritization: You can now assess if the 'why' (based on the gathered 'what' data) truly aligns with top priorities or business needs. You can differentiate between wants and needs based on tangible outcomes.

• Effective Pushback or Support: Instead of a knee-jerk "Why?", you can provide nuanced responses. Based on the data, you can say:

  • "Yes, this makes sense because [Your Why, based on their What data]."

  • "This sounds valuable, but based on our current priorities [mention conflicting 'what' data like resource constraints or OKRs], perhaps we can tackle this after X."

  • "Based on the outcomes you're looking for, what about trying [suggest an alternative gathered from your broader 'what' understanding] instead?"

• Stronger Alignment: You can help the individual or team see how their 'why' (revealed through 'what' questions) fits into the larger organizational picture.

Your eventual "why" for a decision or a prioritization call becomes data-driven and easy to articulate, making it more understandable and accepted by your team.

Shifting your default response from an immediate "Why?" to open, inquisitive "What?" questions is a simple change with profound implications for your leadership effectiveness. It transforms conversations from potential confrontations into collaborative explorations. It gathers the crucial information needed to truly understand the 'why' behind actions and proposals. And it empowers you to make better, more informed decisions, prioritize effectively, and build stronger trust with your team.

Try it out this week: The next time you're about to ask "Why?", pause, and rephrase it as a "What?" question instead. See the difference it makes in the conversation and the information you uncover.